Health Care And Beauty

Making Strong Connections by Brian Tracy – June 2010

In his book Frames of Mind, Dr. Howard Gardner made the revolutionary statement that individuals possess several forms of intelligence. He concluded that we are all intelligent in a variety of different ways, and even if we didn’t receive great grades in school, we can still be extremely intelligent in other areas. Two of these areas are intra-personal intelligence and inter-personal intelligence.

Intra-personal intelligence is defined as how well you get along with yourself. If is how well you know yourself, understand yourself, and are clear about your strengths and weaknesses, your values, opinions, goals, and dreams. People with high levels of intra-personal intelligence are extremely aware of who they are, and who they are not. This enables them to be honest and objective with themselves, and as a result, they are more honest and objective with others.

Intra-personal intelligence is the foundation upon which another intelligence, inter-personal intelligence, is built. Inter-personal intelligence is an ability to communicate, negotiate, interact, persuade, and influence other people. People who are successful in all businesses requiring active interaction with other people, such as salespeople, managers, counselors, consultants, and lawyers all have a high degree of inter-personal intelligence.

You can increase your intelligence in any area by learning and practicing in that area. And perhaps the most important intelligence you can consciously and purposefully develop is your inter-personal intelligence. That’s because forming and maintaining relationships is vital to both your professional success and your self-image–your intra-personal intelligence.

Our personalities are largely shaped by the way people react to us. Our only indication as to who we are at a young age is the way people treat us. If people treat us with kindness, respect, and good humor, we eventually conclude that we are pretty good people who deserve kindness, respect, and proper treatment.

Three Basic Social Needs

Psychologists have identified three basic social needs that we all have: inclusion, control, and affection.

The first, inclusion, is the need to feel that we belong, that we are included in families, work groups, social groups, business organizations, and professional associations. We need to feel wanted, accepted, and important.

The second social need we have is the desire for control. Psychologists have concluded that the basis for a positive mental attitude is a sense of control. We are happy to the degree to which we feel we have a certain amount of control over our life. We are unhappy to the degree to which we feel out of control. Most stress is caused by being out of control of some part of our life that is important to us.

The third social need we all have is the desire for affection. It is hard to live without the knowledge that someone cares about us. Sometimes, just knowing that even one single person, somewhere, cares about us is enough to give meaning to our entire lives.

A Work in Progress

In publishing circles, there is an expression: a work in progress. This is a book that has been scheduled for publication but which is not yet complete; the author is still working on it, at one stage or another. Each of us is a work in progress. Each of us is born and grows up immature and inexperienced in the ways of the world. Over time, and with a lot of hard knocks, we develop a greater depth of character and personality. And all of our lessons are learned in the crucible of human contact.

There are certain parts of your personality that will remain completely untouched and undeveloped unless and until you enter into deep, meaningful, intimate, emotional relationships with people you love and who love you in return. It is only then that you develop the depth of personality that makes you a more interesting and complete individual.

On the wall of my fist Karate Dojo was a sign that said, “The ultimate aim of Karate lies not in victory or defeat, but in the perfection of the character of its participants.” I think that is the ultimate aim of life as well¾the perfection of the character of its participants. And it is hardly possible for you to become everything you are capable of becoming without the lessons that come through relationships with people for whom you care deeply, and who, in turn, care deeply for you.

Seven Basic Principles

Relationships can be extremely complicated, but to build and maintain quality relationships requires only a few basic principles. Let me give you seven.

Trust

The first is the principle of trust. All relationships are ultimately based on trust. To build trust, you always keep your word. You remain consistent and dependable in everything you say and do. You become the kind of person who is utterly reliable in every situation. You never do or say anything that can shake this fundamental foundation of trust upon which your relationships are built.

Respect

The second principle is respect. Taking time to deliberately express your respect for the uniqueness of an individual makes him or her feel very valuable and important. By demonstrating that kind of respect, you build and enhance the quality of your relationship.

Communication

The third principle for success in relationships is communication. In communicating well with another person, time is the critical factor. The value of a relationship can increase for both you and the other person depending on the amount of time that you invest. When you take the time to focus on the important issues of a relationship, you open the channels of communication. And when you listen attentively, calmly, quietly, and with total attention, you demonstrate the respect you have for the other person, and you deepen the level of trust between you.

Courtesy

The fourth principle is courtesy. When you say “please” and “thank you” on a regular basis to the people in your life, you make them feel better about themselves and about what they are doing. You raise their self-esteem. And alas, it is often with the people we care about most that we are the least courteous and polite. Emmet Fox once wrote, “If you must be rude, be rude to strangers. But save your company manners for your family.”

Caring

The fifth principle is caring. The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. The kindest thing you can do is to refrain from criticizing, condemning or complaining to them or about them. Think of yourself as a people-builder rather than a people-basher. Catch them doing something right. Always look for ways to make people feel more valuable, more respected, and more loved. The three most powerful words in any relationship are the words, “I love you.” Repeat them as often as possible and in as many different ways as possible to the most important people in your life.

Praise and Appreciation

The sixth principle is a combination of praise and appreciation for everything that others do for you, both large and small. When you express your appreciation to another person for something they do for you, they feel better about themselves, and they want to do more of it. And there is a kickback effect that causes your own self-esteem to go up, exactly as if you yourself had been praised.

Helpfulness

The seventh principle for success in relationships is simply helpfulness, especially with those people with whom you live. Your constant willingness to step in and do little things to alleviate the burdens felt by your spouse and children is always appreciated and respected. This willingness to share, to contribute, to help each other is an important facet of lasting relationships.

Perhaps the most important thing you ever do in life is build and maintain long-term, happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships with other people you love and who love you. When you make everything else secondary to this central purpose, you will find yourself enjoying happiness and rewards in exponential proportion to the efforts you put in.

Brian Tracy is Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International, a company specializing in the training and development of individuals and organizations. His goal is to help you achieve your personal and business goals faster and easier than you ever imagined. http://www.briantracy.com/

personal goal setting

Subscribe in a reader

Three Questions for Lifelong Happiness

by Brian Tracy – July 2009

You already have everything you need to create a wonderful life for yourself. You know everything you need to know to be your own best friend, a gentle guide, a teacher and a helper to yourself so you can be truly happy and fulfilled.

You can learn how to become your own psychotherapist for life, and how to resolve the difficulties that stand between you and personal joy.

Be Honest With Yourself

The starting point of becoming your own best friend is for you to be perfectly honest with yourself and your relationships. Refuse to practice self-delusion or hope for the best. For example, when something is making you unhappy, for any reason, the situation will tend to get worse rather than better. So avoid the temptation to engage in denial, to pretend that nothing is wrong, to wish and hope and pray that, whatever it is, it will go away and you won’t have to do anything. The fact is that it probably will get worse before it gets better and that ultimately you will need to face the situation and do something about it.

Deal With Your Problem at a Higher Level

There’s an old saying that you can’t solve a problem on the level that you meet it. This means that wrestling with a persistent problem is often fruitless and frustrating. For example, if two people who are in a relationship together are constantly fighting and negotiating and looking for some way to resolve their difficulties, they may be attempting to solve the problem on the wrong level. Dealing with the problem on a higher level, those people would ask the question, “In terms of being happy, is this the right relationship for us in the first place?”

Find the Right Job For You

Many people work very hard and experience considerable frustration trying to do a particular job. However, in terms of their own happiness, the right answer might be to do something else, or to do what they’re doing in a different place, or to do it with different people-or all three. Here are a few questions for you to answer in this arena of happiness. Write them down at the top of a sheet of paper, and then write as many answers to each one as you possibly can.

What Would It Take?

The first question is: “What would it take for me to be perfectly happy?” Write down every single thing that you can imagine would be in your life if you were perfectly happy at this very moment. Write down things such as health, happiness, prosperity, loving relationships, inner peace, travel, car, clothes, homes, money, and so on. Let your mind run freely. Imagine that you have no limitations at all.

What is Holding You Back?

The second question is a little tougher. Write down at the top of a page this question: “In what situations in my life, and with whom, am I not perfectly happy?” Force yourself to think about every part of your day, from morning to night, and write down every element that makes you unhappy or dissatisfied in any way. Remember, proper diagnosis is half the cure. Identifying the unsatisfactory situations is the first step to resolving them.

Determine Your Happiest Moment

The third question will give you some important guidelines. Write down at the top of a sheet of paper these words: “In looking over my life, where and when have I been the happiest? Where was I, with whom was I, and what was I doing?”

Decide What to Do

Once you have the answers to those questions, think about what you can do, starting immediately, to begin creating the kind of life that you dream of. It may take you a week, a month, or a year, but that doesn’t matter. Every single thing you do that moves you closer to your ideal vision will be rewarding in itself. You’ll become a more positive and optimistic person. You’ll feel more confident and more in charge of your life, and you’ll achieve true peace of mind.

Action Exercises

Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, examine your business and personal relationships carefully. Is there any situation you wouldn’t get into again if you had it to do over?

Second, make a list of every single thing in your life that would make you happy and then think about what you could do to begin achieving them.

Third, allow yourself to dream and fantasize about your ideal life, what it would look like and feel like, and then do something every day to make it a reality.

Brian Tracy is Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International, a company specializing in the training and development of individuals and organizations. His goal is to help you achieve your personal and business goals faster and easier than you ever imagined.

http://www.briantracy.com/

Listen To Brian Tracy Interview at The Wealth Creator Source

Subscribe in a reader

Four Essentials for Happiness by Brian Tracy – March 2009

You may have a thousand different goals over the course of your lifetime, but they all will fall into one of four basic categories. Everything you do is an attempt to enhance the quality of your life in one or more of these areas.

The Key to Happiness

The first category is your desire for happy relationships. You want to love and be loved by others. You want to have a happy, harmonious home life. You want to get along well with the people around you, and you want to earn the respect of the people you respect. Your involvement in social and community affairs results from your desire to have happy interactions with others and to make a contribution to the society you live in.

Enjoy Your Work

The second category is your desire for interesting and challenging work. You want to make a good living, of course, but more than that, you want to really enjoy your occupation or profession. The very best times of your life are when you are completely absorbed in your work.

Become Financially Independent

The third category is your desire for financial independence. You want to be free from worries about money. You want to have enough money in the bank so that you can make decisions without counting your pennies. You want to achieve a certain financial state so that you can retire in comfort and never have to be concerned about whether or not you have enough money to support your lifestyle. Financial independence frees you from poverty and a need to depend upon others for your livelihood. If you save and invest regularly throughout your working life, you will eventually reach the point where you will never have to work again.

Enjoy Excellent Health

The fourth and final category is your desire for good health, to be free of pain and illness and to have a continuous flow of energy and feelings of well-being. In fact, your health is so central to your life that you take it for granted until something happens to disrupt it.

Peace of Mind is the Key

Peace of mind is essential for every one of these. The greater your peace of mind, the more relaxed and positive you are, the less stress you suffer, the better is your overall health.

The more peace of mind you have, the better are your relationships, the more optimistic, friendly and confident you are with everyone in your life. When you feel good about yourself on the inside, you do your work better and take more pride in it. You are a better boss and coworker. And the greater your overall peace of mind, the more likely you are to earn a good living, save regularly for the future and ultimately achieve financial independence.

Control Your Attention

Life is very much a study of attention. Whatever you dwell upon and think about grows and expands in your life. The more you pay attention to your relationships, the quality and quantity of your work, your finances and your health, the better they will become and the happier you will be.

Action Exercises

Here are three things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, take time on a regular basis to think about what would make you really happy in each of the four areas.

Second, set specific, measurable goals for improvement in your relationships, your health, your work and your finances and write them down.

Third, resolve to do something every day to increase the quality of some area of your life – and then keep your resolution.

http://www.briantracy.com/

Listen To Brian Tracy Interview at The Wealth Creator Source

Subscribe in a reader